manipulation

I remember a therapist from 7th grade.

I remember telling her that I thought anxiety and excitement to be incredibly similar, and that I could almost manipulate my anxiety to reframe it into excitement when absolutely necessary.

She encouraged me to do this because during that time, intense anxiety was stopping me from doing things I wanted to.

Maybe I’ve been doing that for far too long. Maybe I am now prone to confuse the two due to my purposeful manipulation of anxiety at a young age.

Maybe I turn away from things that excite me because I identify it incorrectly as fear. Or honestly maybe not. I don’t know.

Maybe I run towards things that terrify me because I incorrectly identify it as excitement, and then freak out when I get there (here). This seems more true.

3 hours of sleep per night is beginning to take its toll on my mental processes.

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