laughable

Do I only love you because you love me?

I need to make sure this is unwarranted worry.

Do I only feel comfort because you offer me safety?

Wait but then why, years before I came to this realization, did I feel a dire need to know you? To understand you? To be there for your darkness?

Why did I feel so sick to my stomach when I saw you engage in self destructive behaviors, and I didn’t know how to help?

Why did I always rush to you in the middle of a crowd to find solace? The way you spoke honestly to me was addictive. I so vividly remember pockets of conversation in which you looked at me and spoke the truth. I so vividly remember times where I felt only your presence in rooms that had people packed in like sardines.

Why did I feel unstoppable when we walked the streets of Columbus after bar close just to talk and flirt? I could flirt with you forever, I think. I know I’d like to try.

Why can I look back on birthdays, 4th of July’s, New Years, house warmings, going away parties, and see us together at so many of them? How did I not notice the life we have been building together?

Sometimes I get worried that I love you only because you have loved me so well. But when I think about your role in my life, I have to laugh at myself because it is so blatantly obvious that I have loved you for a very long time.

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