to leave or to stay

These days pass in a flurry of professional and social duties that entertain but do not feed me. Coffee, books, and good films help me feel creatively alive. Over committing to social events does the opposite. I frequently question if I am pausing to enjoy my one life. The limbo-like quality of this past year, and most likely current decade, makes me feel like I am watching my own life pass while simultaneously getting beat up by its many responsibilities. When I travel and transition I lose my mind. When I find stability, I crave losing my mind. Where is the balance? How do I answer the question of which is more important: discovering myself and the world on my own, or compromising my cravings to form deep human connection by being physically present with the people I love? How can I even begin to answer that, and which is objectively right?

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