have I even loved

I once loved with a love

that was desperate and craving.

He was my whole life and my world.

But dependency uncovered his manipulation

And besides, I was still a girl.

 

I once loved with a love

that was fun, wild, and free.

We would laugh, and the passion ran rampant.

But as time flew along

and I changed my address,

I noticed no romance, just friendship.

 

I once loved with a love

filled with fire and fury,

of confusion and passion, no trust.

But time after time

as my heart lived in frenzy,

It was blatantly, simply, just lust.

 

I once loved with a love

filled with laughter and comfort,

good food and warm hands and that smile.

As the saddest loves go,

he was here, I was there,

and we loved for just a short while.

 

I loved a man once.

I could have, I think.

A friend through all of the others.

We said “yes, someday”

but Someday never came

Brokenhearted, I search for another.

 

I love and I love

and every time thinking

“this is real love, I know, I can feel it!”

I don’t know if I’m wrong,

but I’m sure as hell scared

of only knowing it’s real once I leave it.

 

 

 

(Previously published by Harness Magazine at http://www.harnessmagazine.com)

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