survival

Crushing weightlessness.

I didn’t know this feeling

existed

until now.

 

Such heavy relief

it shocks my system

and stagnates the breath

I was holding

under my tongue.

 

It has been a year.

Four seasons ago I left your house

on my birthday,

still drunk.

 

Fuzzy memories

made me apprehensive

of our friendship.

 

Discovering the truth

confirmed my worthlessness.

 

This year on my birthday

when people ask,

“Do you feel older?”

I get to say

“I do.”

 

It has been a year.

The worst year

but a whole one.

And here I am,

also whole.

 

The relief hits me harder

than anger ever did.

But maybe not as hard

as grief,

Panic.

 

But they are long gone.

The relief makes me weep;

A whole year

and here I am,

still whole.

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