Crushing weightlessness.
I didn’t know this feeling
existed
until now.
Such heavy relief
it shocks my system
and stagnates the breath
I was holding
under my tongue.
It has been a year.
Four seasons ago I left your house
on my birthday,
still drunk.
Fuzzy memories
made me apprehensive
of our friendship.
Discovering the truth
confirmed my worthlessness.
This year on my birthday
when people ask,
“Do you feel older?”
I get to say
“I do.”
It has been a year.
The worst year
but a whole one.
And here I am,
also whole.
The relief hits me harder
than anger ever did.
But maybe not as hard
as grief,
Panic.
But they are long gone.
The relief makes me weep;
A whole year
and here I am,
still whole.
